Dawgy - this is great advice. And it will be hard, but honestly I think you'll feel better when you're standing strong (even if it's sending her away, which I know you don't want to do).
Are you seeing a therapist OR can you get to a dr.? It might be good for you to get some anti-anxiety meds - just for now. The anxiety is definitely something that is tough to deal with.
If you do some behavioral therapy stuff along with the anti-anxiety meds, you will probably feel better. Allow yourself SOME time to feel bad (that's normal) - like blast Seether's "Words as Weapons" and sing along with it as loud as you can whilst crying (just a suggestion). Then - you're done! Add some stuff to the gratitude journal (3 or 4 things that day that you're grateful for. Like - the kids are healthy, the weather has been stunningly beautiful this summer, fresh tomatoes are in season and delicious....it doesn't have to be earth shattering) and do something for yourself. These things take PRACTICE.
I think you're in the habit of feeling badly these days. I get it. I was, too. I'm making it a habit to feel better. Takes practice. Totally possible.
