Get the book, and go immediately to the After-the-Last-Resort Technique.
You need to lay some firm boundaries here, Onguard or I'm afraid your wife is just going to use your family home as her staging ground to pursue and OM2 (AP2). You need to protect you and your kids at this point.
I'm glad to hear that you refuse to move out. That should be a given but you'd be surprised.
I'm sorry, I know this s*ucks. I myself went through it back in 2007 (my wife was 47 and her affair was with her 29 year old personal trainer). Fortunately, we made it and are now happier than ever, by the grace of God and the good folks here in DBland. But it was one HELLUVA painful ride.
