Major question ? W wants me to keep the fact she is having an affair secret when she leaves > She just wants me to say we are having troubles and need to separate . She doesnt want the kids especially to know shes leaving for another man . I told her no way > If she leaves the whole story has to come out . What should I do > This has increased her hatred towards me . i need help
A: "I've decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair. As for the kids, I haven't decided yet how to tell them what's going on, but I'm certainly not going to lie to them, either."
Do everything from a place of honesty, dawg, and in an age-appropriate manner. Personally, I told my adult daughters immediately about their mother's affair, and my S-then-14 later on a very generic "Mommy has a boyfriend, and it's not right for married people to have boyfriends and girlfriends while they're still married. I've asked her to stop that, and she refuses, and that's what we've been fighting about. We both love you, and this is NOT your fault. Your mother is a good person who's just making some bad decisions right now, but as a family we'll get thru this."
(or words to that effect)
I wouldn't commit to an answer one way or another with your wife; frankly, she doesn't deserve one.
