I will give youan example how all this his thinking/my thinking. When we were first divorced very little conversation took place. Eventually isaw that my pent up pain and ager wasn't helping anyone. In fact it was hurting holding on to it.
Now my ex and I can and dotalk about pretty much everything save his affair partner/wife. I didn't work this hard for him. I dd it for me and my kids. The kids feel better that they can talk infront of us together. About a year ago my daughter fromSlovakia came home to visit. She stayed with me. She went with the kids to his house. We talked about it later. She said that she thinks that I must have made my peace with wat he has done. I told her this isn't about him. This is about my kids feeling ok about us being able to get along and about me letting go of anger.
So what you do with ring is not about her and what she may or may not think. It is about what message you are sending to yourself and your boys, period. If you keep wearing it, let them know why. If you decide to take it off,explain that too. Let others think what they will, this is about how you interpret where you are.
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ok thanks . But it just seems like one painful day after another lately . I was doing ok till she left . She was gone 4 nights .now shes back and shes not sure whats shes doing . I wish I could get her to stay and work on things with me but the OM is still in the picture . It seems its gonna get harder . I was hoping we bottomed out but no luck yet . Thats something I could use is some good luck
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
I hear you dawgy. Had a terrible day yesterday. Got my first box of anti-depressants today. I'm GALing like mad but it's difficult. Stick with it my friend. I'm praying your good days soon outweigh your bad!!!
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
If your out there Starsky can you give me a bit of a kick in the rear ? She came back after only 4 nights but she says shes leaving again sometime in august . What to do ?? Ignore her ? Or say I understand or tell her to get out now . Can somebody give me some advice ?
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
She hasn't come back to you. She came back because for some reason this was convenient for her. I would tell her that until she is ready to come home, be monogamous and work on her marriage she will need to find another place to live.
It isn't fair for you and your sons to get your hopes up. This is your first major hurdle. Stand strong.
kat
Last edited by kat727; 07/29/1402:13 PM.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Major question ? W wants me to keep the fact she is having an affair secret when she leaves > She just wants me to say we are having troubles and need to separate . She doesnt want the kids especially to know shes leaving for another man . I told her no way > If she leaves the whole story has to come out . What should I do > This has increased her hatred towards me . i need help
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
She hasn't come back to you. She came back because for some reason this was convenient for her. I would tell her that until she is ready to come home, be monogamous and work on her marriage she will need to find another place to live.
It isn't fair for you and your sons to get your hopes up. This is your first major hurdle. Stand strong.
kat
This. ^^^^
"I'm sorry, but our home is not a hotel, for you to come and go as you please. It's horribly upsetting and confusing for the kids, and I'm sure we can both agree that we both want to do what's best for them right now."
Major question ? W wants me to keep the fact she is having an affair secret when she leaves > She just wants me to say we are having troubles and need to separate . She doesnt want the kids especially to know shes leaving for another man . I told her no way > If she leaves the whole story has to come out . What should I do > This has increased her hatred towards me . i need help
A: "I've decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair. As for the kids, I haven't decided yet how to tell them what's going on, but I'm certainly not going to lie to them, either."
Do everything from a place of honesty, dawg, and in an age-appropriate manner. Personally, I told my adult daughters immediately about their mother's affair, and my S-then-14 later on a very generic "Mommy has a boyfriend, and it's not right for married people to have boyfriends and girlfriends while they're still married. I've asked her to stop that, and she refuses, and that's what we've been fighting about. We both love you, and this is NOT your fault. Your mother is a good person who's just making some bad decisions right now, but as a family we'll get thru this."
(or words to that effect)
I wouldn't commit to an answer one way or another with your wife; frankly, she doesn't deserve one.
Thank you Starsky for your words of wisdom . I need to be able to beat this anxiety and depressive feelings so I can concentrate on making rational decisions . The problem with the anxiety is its making me too emotional to handle this
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
