I am the prize

[daring]

His LL is physical touch- that's one of the reasons I decided to let intimacy resume between us. It's a tough subject as he substituted sex for love ( his words) rather than including it as a part if love for a long time and acted out in ways that pushed me away. As he began to figure it all out he slipped into MLC and I didn't realize it at the time, so I pulled away emotionally. The cycle of negativity became pretty awful. He did blame me for awhile- interestingly he read 5LL first and told me I wasn't meeting his needs (partially true, and partially not as he was looking to me to fill all of his voids and be responsible for his happiness- when I said I couldn't do that but would work on my issues, it wasn't enough at the time.)
Since BD that cycle has been broken as I discovered DB, de personalized his behavior and forgave and worked hard on my issues. He definitely opens up more when I speak his language, but he is also often guarded.

So weird goings on right now- I'm trying to not let the unknown make me anxious and just let him be. Younger kids are still at beach and so yesterday there wasn't a reason to contact or see each other. I texted him to see if a mtg I have Wed night would interfere with anything he had and he sent me back some joking texts which led to some funny banter back and forth. I was seeing his old sense if humor and thought he was doing ok.
Then last night he texted and said he talked to kids at beach and hope all is well with me.
I texted back a few things and asked if he was doing ok. He said no, but he would be fine. I asked if anything new had happened and he said dunno was just rough day. I told him I was there if he needed an ear or to hang out. He said that meant a lot to him and that I was very patient and caring.
Today I texted to just check on him. He said he was " still here"
and was forcing himself to go out and do things. Then said he just needs to go through all of this he guesses. I offered for him to come to dinner tonight when kids get back. Haven't heard anything yet.
So I don't know exactly what he's going through- and it's so hard because I want to help and know so I don't drum up negative scenarios ( not that I can control any of it, I know that). I just hope he's not moving towards a finality decision on our relationship. Clearly I need to keep working on my detachment.....