She did WAW, then I did EA, now I'm DBing...poorly

[Joe1981]

Boundary setting was an epic fail. That's what got to the door situation.
I meet w/ a L tomorrow for the first time since most of the bad stuff blew up. I'll lay it out for him and see what he thinks.
How bad is the situation? It's messy. She finally calmed down enough yesterday where we could talk and I could actually validate her on her reasons for the recent anger. I see her point and the mistake won't happen again. From now on, all talk about this mess will be here only. As far as the anger/violence, she's not going to physically hurt me, and she isn't abusive towards the kids. She gets verbally abusive towards me and won't stop even if I walk away. New strategy, get to the car. I can lock myself in and, if needed, turn up the radio.
Priorities, hmm:
1)the well-being of the kids (this means being able to co-parent w/ her)
2)custody of kids, I won't settle for less than 50/50.
3)keeping my family together
4)having a happy M (if 3 happens, then working together towards 4; if 3 doesn't happen, then making sure any new R is on the basis of eventually leading to #4)

Thanks.