I have been spending a lot of time with my nephew in his summer lacrosse league. My niece is starting grad school in a few weeks and is moving into an apartment, so have also been helping her shop and get ready for the move.
I still am living with mom & dad and helping them around the house and yard. It's nice to be able to help them out. I am blessed with a wonderful family who has been supportive for the past year.
My struggles mostly come at night and in the morning. When it's just me...bedtime, getting ready for work, etc...It starts with thoughts of W and how much I miss her and love her. It goes into the guilt over the A and how much I hurt W. Then it goes into where I go in the future. In between those thoughts, there's moments where I am hopeful that M will be saved, but also thoughts that W would be better off without me. Then after all that, there are prayers.
I try to think of what do to to save the M, but after a year like this, she's made her mind up. One of our coworkers here yesterday said as much...that even though W is scared of the financial aspect, that W knows she will be ok and the D is the right thing to do.
I miss her so much. I don't know where to go or what to do from here. Sorry...another bad day.
