Is your son in counseling? Ox, I have to be honest, I feel for you but there is a lot of dysfunction in your household. Your son needs to be supported, and right now you and your W have trouble doing that because you seem very focused on yourselves and your own drama.
He may have just said that to see how you would react/get some attention. Or maybe that is his way of opening up to you. And if he's gay? So what? How would the NEW, IMPROVED, NOT-CONTROLLING Ox respond?
Think on that one a lot. Do some reading. Your son needs you. This is a wonderful opportunity to take a step forward and step up like a mature, responsible, caring dad.
