I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

Thanks, Zeus. I realize that the ONLY gift in this situation is that I get to hit rock bottom and push off again with tremendous force. I get to FINALLY learn to be the man I've always wanted to be. The man this woman saw in me when we first got together before he crawled into a cave and let the depressed love addict take over.

I have books and businesses and dreams inside me that have never come out. I've lived with fear of failure, fear of being "found out" as a fake, fear of intimacy and commitment. I have never had that cool, calm self-confidence of the men I admire. I've PRETENDED to have it for years, and I people often believe me, but it never lasts.

My job now is to nurture that man. To cultivate a new way of living. To cease being selfish, self-serving, dishonest, and fearful, and to start being giving, loving, honest, and courageous.

I get it. I really do. The work seems daunting. It's like a dark tunnel. I think it will get even darker before I see any light at the end.

Any specific tips or resources for building self-worth would be appreciated. I'm working with a therapist and going to 12 step. Any other books, forums, or community members to be in touch with?

-DB