W and I haven't spoken much in months, certainly not about M or R. I gave her the "not going to live in an open marriage, we have decisions to make" letter last week before leaving on vacation.
She called a few days ago all hot and bothered to upgrade her cell phone, demanding that I order it immediately, or give her access to the account so she could order it.
I see it as just more demanding, milking Zew for one more thing as she carries on with OM and plans for D. I don't want to renew a 2 year contract in my name to provide her a cell phone when she/I could file for D within weeks.
And when she asked if there was a problem with me ordering the phone, I said, yes, there are a few problems, and she hung up on me.
Fast forward to now. She just sent this email: (shortened)
Quote:
Zew,
I need a new cell phone as my phone is acting crazy. [...etc...]
I can't run my business this way, so either get me the phone I want or put me back on the account so I can take care of this matter myself.
You say you don't control me and/or you want to work on things but this is a form of control and it is clear to me that you don't want to work on things... only on your terms.
This is the way our marriage has always been on YOUR TERMS and what you want not what I want or need! I sent you a text on Saturday and I had no response to it.
W
Her email reeks of the sophomoric posse. Demanding, isn't it. I knew they would come back and call this controlling.
My proposed response:
Quote:
W,
Just as you cannot run your business without a phone, we cannot have a successful marriage, either financially or emotionally, without commitment.
You are demanding that I renew a multi-year contract in my name to provide you with a cell phone. Without any commitment from you to our marriage, I have no reason to believe that I will meet the two year contract term and I will be subject to early termination fees.
When we started to discuss this a few days ago, you hung up on me. If you want to have a conversation with me, and you want me to respond to your texts, I expect to be treated respectfully.
This isn't a matter of control; it's uncertainty. The reality of our situation is that decisions that used to be simple in a long term committed relationship no longer make sense.
My position regarding our marriage has not changed. If you commit to working with me seriously, honestly and exclusively, I have committed to you that I will put everything on the table so that we can start fresh and find solutions that satisfy both of us.
