Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[Zues126]

Good for you Big Mac! I'm there with you bud. Funny you say that, I've had a similar experience.

I initiated an email exchange (at the advice of my DB coach though) that was a teeny bit more open than we had been for a while. Not emotions about her, but just how I was a little scared of taking on more parental responsibility at a time when my kids are going through so much, how I know it's a sensitive situation and I don't want to mess it up.

Then, she asked me if I could watch the kids for her next Sunday a little early so she could go to a baby shower. She then mentioned a trip she was taking and how she wasn't sure if she was taking the dog because she got car sick, but wasn't sure what to do. I told her I'd be happy to come early and that I love spending time with the kids. I went on to say it's nice we can be flexible so if there's something cool going on I want to take my son to we can discuss it, and likewise if she wants to go out some evening to consider letting me have first option of watching them. Finally I mentioned that if the dog was left behind I'd be happy to help take care of her (I didn't say stay at the house full time, I left it vague).

Again, it seemed a semi tone more friendly, but it wasn't invasive of boundaries, had no expectations, and had nothing to do with feelings towards each other. I felt ok with it because it was very laid back.

And FINALLY (here's where this is not a total hi-jack) I am starting to feel the same way. I'm starting to like who I am and the life I have. I'm not desperate or needy, or on pins and needles about how she'll react. I'm just being myself in a way that I feel represents my BEST self. And since I was reasonably detached I felt it was no biggie. You're right...at some point going to the extreme of NEVER initiating a call is just abnormal in life and communicates that you're either pissed off or playing a game. I just think it's a good guideline in general because it's easy to rationalize pursuit and hard to mess up no contact.

Keep going Big Mac, I'm celebrating your growth and each day it gets easier to be strong!