Finding my way - part 3

[Meghan]

Took some time for me tonight, although it started as a way to distract myself. Over the last few days a few people have asked me if it's possible that H. has seen the girl he talk to online while he's been away. I don't really know, although he could very easily be in frequent contact, which has got the possibility of an EA in my mind again.

On top of that, I remember today that the only time H. has shown emotion other than anger in the last four months has been when he was talking about how he doesn't feel worthwhile, but helping his online friend deal with some family issues made him feel like he could contribute something to someone. He got teary when he was talking about that. I haven't seen him cry over anything else.

The temptation to snoop was strong, but I resisted. Part of me wishes I knew definitively, but I don't know if I could keep this up if I knew for sure. I also don't know that it would change my desire to at least give this a chance, so I don't think knowing is really all that useful right now. I should give a bit of thought to boundaries, though.

Instead of doing something I'd regret I gave myself a hot oil treatment and a facial, had a nice cup of tea and picked up a novel. The urge isn't quite gone, but it's dissipating.