Doing all right

[BrightFuture]

Well, find it very difficult to write lately. I just cannot formulate my thoughts, feel very tired all the time. I keep functioning at work to my surprise. And then I come home and crush. I’ve been processing my thoughts and feelings and I find that I’m starting to understand what H felt at certain times and why he said what he said and did what he did. Am I entering into my own MLC?

I have to travel for work in a couple of weeks. First I was excited about it. I used to travel a lot for work and it was something that I liked (in moderation though.) Then I realized that this upcoming trip is causing me some anxiety. I never liked the airport security, but I found my ways to deal with it and it was not a big deal. Now, I’m thinking about it as big stress factor. I’m sure I will be fine, just a few unpleasant moments. However, now I understand H.

He always hated flying, but had to do it for work and when we were going on vacations. He loved to visit different countries, so he was handling his dislike of flying just fine. Except after the new security measures were introduced (like full body scanners). I think it also coincided with the start of his MLC. So, I do understand that he didn’t want to fly home every 2-3 weeks anymore. Especially to the house he hated so much. And this is why he is looking for woman who would live with him in that state where he works and travel with him to Mexico for the winter. He just doesn’t want to sacrifice anything anymore and doing things he doesn’t want to do, like flying.

So, I guess this doesn’t make any hope possible. Even if he realizes he made a mistake by leaving me.