You reminded me of yet, another complaint of my H. Well, not a real complaint, but an observation. H would tell me all the time that I "took on other people's" (fault, responsibility, guilt, ownership). Why do I do that?
I can tell you why I used to take on other people's fault and responsibilities. I was a people pleaser for one thing. It was what I was taught for another. I was told by my mother that I wasnt good enough, I wasnt worthy. So, I began to believe that everything was my fault. The good news is....I dont anymore.
So, why do you think you do that?
Originally Posted By: Shining
The introspection part of this is so uncomfortable, painful, yet exciting all at once. I can feel myself growing and becoming more of who I am. But I still tend to initially resist the truth about myself. Is that normal? Is anything normal?
Yea, this stuff is hard. Really hard. I always said I wish I didnt have to learn what I did in the way I did. But I wouldnt change the journey for anything. We all initially resist the truth about ourselves. It isnt fun to look at some of it. But you have an amazing opportunity here...to become your best you. Take it.
Kml is right. These MLCers can wreak havoc with finances. Knowledge is power, S. Doesnt mean you are giving up if you take care of you. If he comes out of this, he will be glad you did.
This whole thing is a leap of faith. I promise you that if you do the work, you will be forever changed.
A little about me. I suffered a pretty substancial depression. Add MLC in there and I cant imagine what his head feels like. I will tell you that he is fighting with all he has. It is like swimming through mud with a 50 pound weight on your back.
You are right, forgiveness if for you. It is a way to honor your marriage. It is a way to release the bad feelings that can weigh you down.
But I wouldnt worry about that right now. First, let's work on you. Leave him to his stuff. You didnt break him, so you cant fix him. Keep the focus on you and your kids.
