Been thinking a lot today...on Wed 6/11, it will have been 10 months since I moved out at W's request.
So, taking into account the following:
-separated for 10 months -W moving forward with D (even though I still have not heard from her atty in almost 2 months) -W does not talk to me except about the cats -W has not wavered from wanting the D...she has not said anything in terms of reconciling or saving the M -W has said all along she can't forgive me -W has said she will never trust me again -W said back in Sept 2013 that she will always care about me, but does not love me anymore.
Am I foolish for being hopeful and for still wanting the M? Outside of continuing to work on myself, is there anything that I should be doing? I continue to pray for the M to be saved, but lately, I wonder if the R with W is over and I'm just being an idiot for hoping.
I understand W has every reason to feel the way she feels and to take the D action based on how badly my actions hurt her. Just wondering at what point do I give up hope?
Thanks Bond...that's exactly what I've been doing is letting it constantly consume me. I'm not sure why I've gone back to feeling that way. Could be the birthdays, etc or the Summer season upon us when W and I would do so many things together. It could also be being served with the D papers...that was harder on me than I thought it would be (even though they are just "papers").
Weekend was horrible...celebrating b-day without W for first time in 18 years. No card, no "happy b-day" wishes from her. I didn't expect it, but was hoping.
Haven't had a reply from W (and her atty) regarding my atty's proposal in over 2 months now. W avoids discussing D with me.
I'm headed over to W's tonight to help with the cats. Do I ask about the D? or do I just (try to) play it cool and keep conversation at a minimum? Any advice on anything I should/shouldn't say or do?
I'm all over the map these days with my emotions. Trying to keep Bond's reply in mind to detach...don't think I'm doing too good with that right now.
Met with W on Saturday. She apologized for the delay in responding to the D. She said her atty is horrible. Anyway, we had a nice, civil conversation, but she has not changed her stance. She wants the D and does not want to reconcile. The delay has been financial. She is scared and worried about whether or not she will make it from a money standpoint.
We did talk about the A some. But for her, it comes back to the fact I had the A and failed the M. She acknowledged the other issues we had in the M, but ultimately the A is what ended it for her. The A was her boundary...once I had it, that was it for her.
I did hold her hand at one point when she was crying about the financial situation, and she held mine back. First time that has happened in almost a year since I moved out. I said take a deep breath...it will be ok. Asked her to try and focus on the blessings in her life...her wonderful family, her daughter getting engaged.
Tough weekend....hard to hear about her family and her D getting engaged. A stark reminder that life is moving on and it is moving on without her and I in each other's lives. Hard day today. No idea where to go from here or what to do.
That sounds like it was really hard but your kindness was the right thing. Reminding her of the blessings in her life was loving. I'm sure this is really hard for her and your response showed generosity and unselfishness. That's a big deal.
Best wishes to you.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Do you have any family you can focus on? What blessings do you have in your life right now? Make a list! Focus on these....
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I have been spending a lot of time with my nephew in his summer lacrosse league. My niece is starting grad school in a few weeks and is moving into an apartment, so have also been helping her shop and get ready for the move.
I still am living with mom & dad and helping them around the house and yard. It's nice to be able to help them out. I am blessed with a wonderful family who has been supportive for the past year.
My struggles mostly come at night and in the morning. When it's just me...bedtime, getting ready for work, etc...It starts with thoughts of W and how much I miss her and love her. It goes into the guilt over the A and how much I hurt W. Then it goes into where I go in the future. In between those thoughts, there's moments where I am hopeful that M will be saved, but also thoughts that W would be better off without me. Then after all that, there are prayers.
I try to think of what do to to save the M, but after a year like this, she's made her mind up. One of our coworkers here yesterday said as much...that even though W is scared of the financial aspect, that W knows she will be ok and the D is the right thing to do.
I miss her so much. I don't know where to go or what to do from here. Sorry...another bad day.
