First post, DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!

[Shining]

LN,
I actually thought, as I was reading threads over the past months, that mine IS a mild MLCer. Yeah.... Re-read my subject title. Denial. Seriously, another of H complaints about me:)

I, too, believed it all. I listed on a legal pad, pages and pages of everything I could remember he said, and then read books about how to be better at x, y, z, so that "when he does come running back, I'll be so perfect!" Blech.... Now I gag at the thought of believing it. I was so desperate to have back what will never be again.

I think that was one way I believed I could control this... If I could be better, then I could fix this. Oh, but God showed me quickly, I am but a speck in this process, with zero control over the outcome, my H, or anything but myself. Who did I think I was, anyway? Oh, yeah. A happy, loving, loyal spouse. I still am:).

uR,
Once again, spot on. (Are you here somewhere in my room? ~looks over shoulder~)

You reminded me of yet, another complaint of my H. Well, not a real complaint, but an observation. H would tell me all the time that I "took on other people's" (fault, responsibility, guilt, ownership). Why do I do that?

The introspection part of this is so uncomfortable, painful, yet exciting all at once. I can feel myself growing and becoming more of who I am. But I still tend to initially resist the truth about myself. Is that normal? Is anything normal?

Wait, what is normal again?