So I fixed and changed all I could. Some were ridiculous, like he hated that I had pores on my nose.... (Wth? And he graciously stayed married to me with such a hideous issue? So noble of him.)
Lolol - I've heard a lot of ridiculous WAS complaints, but this is a good one! (My ex told me I "walked too heavy" - and worse yet, that I had deliberately taught our daughter to walk too heavy!!!)
SO - first things first - your priority right now needs to be YOUR KIDS and yourself. They are going through considerable upheaval due to your choice of a husband, they don't need or deserve for your attention to be drawn away from them to your H. If you and your H were to reconcile, it would be very very stressful for the kids, they would be living on tenterhooks waiting for the other shoe to drop. So EVEN IF your H comes running back to you in a few months, I would give serious thought to living apart and just dating until your kids are grown.
Second - please see an attorney and find out your financial rights in this situation. It is a mistake to assume that if you just do nothing financially there's a better chance he'll come back - not true. There's just a better chance you'll get screwed over financially by the irresponsible WAS. Please protect yourself financially.
Third - you mention H having a motorcycle accident the summer he started falling apart - any chance he sustained a concussion at that time? If he did, his worsening depression and erratic behavior might be a consequence of his concussion (my ex had 6 concussions in the 8 years before our separation; definitely a contributing factor, although not the whole story).
Fourth - it's frightening that your H attempted suicide when he missed a few doses of his anti-depressants. Although psychiatrists will tell you these drugs have a long half life, it was my experience when my daughter was on them that just one or two missed doses turned her into a whackadoodle. I suspect this is why adolescents have a higher suicide rate on these drugs; probably due to them being less consistent with taking them. Your H is currently medicating his depression with an OW; temporarily at least it is giving him relief. In the long run, you really can't control what happens - if he won't face up to his depression and the role it plays in your relationship, he'll just continue flitting from one new "high" to another (car, motorcycle, girlfriends, etc).
Fifth - sadly you experienced the kind of step-parent issues that often strain marriages. Usually it's better not to attempt to parent the stepkids in a situation like this, just let him do it. But it sounds like you were in a no-win situation there. And to be honest, it's possible that your H was never as committed to your kids as you thought - it takes a lot to parent four teens that aren't your biological kids. Again - YOUR kids need to be your priority, and it is probably best for them NOT to be in a blended family at this point.
Stick to the high road, work on your own issues (is there some reason you may have ignored some red flags about this guy when you were dating?), protect yourself financially, (have you run a credit report?), focus on building the best life you can for you and your kids. You can maintain a generous attitude that your H, suffering from depression, was like a wolf in a trap - he chewed off his own leg to try to get out of his depression. Hard though it may be, you just may not be able to help him.
If he does recover, it's going to take him a while - don't put your life on hold in the meantime. And don't take him back unless he does the hard work necessary, and DON'T put your kids in the middle.
