First post, confused

[asat82]

So, I just took a stand and told wife that I knew about her and the OM, I pretty much stuck to the script given to another DBer by Starsky

"I know all about you and ______, and it needs to stop, immediately. It's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our friendship.""I do not want a divorce, but this needs to be clear -- I am not willing to live in an open marriage. End your affair and come back and work on the marriage with me, and you will find that I am ready and willing to work on all issues, including continuing to work on my own issues.”

She started to flounder and got upset and said that she already said she wanted a divorce (which she has only ever said while she was in an affair[she has at times loved me and changed and said she wanted to work on things, I just have never gotten her to change the mindset of looking for another man before and finally I stand up and state that in a hard boundary kinda way]) and that this meant she was not in an affair. I told her that I would be willing to talk about the relationship or divorce if and when she decided to end the affair or decided to start being honest with me.

So now to continue my GAL and focusing on myself more than ever. For far too long I showed her unconditional support, but that was just hurting me when she would go out and get into affairs with OM. I have now decided to stick up for myself. I wish I had a little more help on my thread, but hopefully that will come in time.

I try to leave positive feedback in other threads, but not much traffic here yet. Any thoughts or ideas.