First post, DENIAL was my HAPPY PLACE!!

[LiveNow]

Shining - WOW. Just wow. You have been through a great deal. And I think you are doing very well. I can't remember who, but someone on this board said I had a 'mild' MLC'r, which I agree with. I guess I'm grateful for that, and while he is not playing with a full deck, he still somehow seems to have moments of lucidity.

Like you, I read an awful lot (an entire grocery bag of books I recently donated to the library with the exception of 2 or 3). I have almost completely given up TV and read instead. I missed MLC clues too, plenty of them. He wanted a convertible (we even went and looked at a red one) for quite a while. He never did buy one, though. He is practical, and frugal, like me. And I think he talked himself out of it somehow. And it finally dawned on me what event started the MLC - about 6 years ago. He had emergency surgery and almost died at the age of 50. I'm convinced this started everything rolling, but I didn't put two and two together until very recently.

There was also much truth to my H's complaints, but there is only so much we can do. We can only control what we do and think. The rest is out of our hands. The most valuable lessons I've learned in past year are (1) go with the flow - roll with it, whatever 'it' is, and (2) I have my faults but I did not cause the demise of our marriage - WE did - both of us, so I do not take the blame for everything and (3) I no longer believe everything he said about me at bomb drop. I believed every word initially, but I am really 'good' with myself as I am now. This was a huge growth period for me, as it seems to have been for you too. Getting out and making your own life is critical. I have an entirely new life without him. So I am now prepared for whatever comes my way. You seem well on your way to that too. Then, if D does happen down the road, you will not fall apart. In the meantime, GAL. So important. And if you can still manage to be friendly to him, DO it. I am beginning to think I am past that now, and it's like pulling teeth to have a friendly conversation. (I'm polite, but offer little info about my life now.) Hang in there, and keep posting. It's therapeutic!