I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[Maybell]

DB, do you understand that your fiancee decided that you were the man she was going to entrust the entire rest of her life to? And you ripped out her heart, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and showed the mess to another woman? And then the other woman wrote a letter to your fiancee telling her that you had done this?

That is what an affair feels like to the person who has been betrayed.

Now imagine that had been done to you. Don't just sit here for a minute and imagine it. Really think, for a while, about what it would feel like to have that done to you, what you would think of your loved one afterwards, what you would feel about yourself for having trusted that person, what you would think of the integrity of the person with whom the cheating had occurred.

At what point in her position would you want to revisit any of those feelings if you didn't have to?

She didn't marry you. She probably feels like she dodged a bullet that she found out about this stuff before the wedding.

I'm not saying this to be harsh on you or to condemn you. I'm saying this because I lived it and you don't get it. All your thinking is about you and how hard everything is for you. You haven't demonstrated real remorse. You changed your behavior because it cost you something you wanted. That's not remorse. Zues's point about you being needy is true because you placed your needs above hers at every turn. Including now. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh.

If you let her be, respected her pain, and really concentrated on being a better person, you would be asking different questions.

If you really FELT her pain and understood the way you eviscerated her with your actions, you would be on your knees just asking for forgiveness and understanding that she is her own person who had a right to be treated with love and respect and honor.

If you what real remorse looks like, go search for a poster named JFred. That guy is suffering. He comes here to talk about his suffering but he's taking responsibility for his pain.

Again, this is not to condemn you. But you're never going to get anywhere with the attitude you've shown here.