I need to find somebody that's going to tell me to quit being a pushover. Quit giving into to the urges to bring up the old R and quit saying anything that is not positive. I love my W and D's dearly, and want the best chance I can at getting us back together. Even though the end game is for us to be better, it's still about our families. 2 x 4's and then some welcome.
I texted her on Sunday and said I miss the girls, she offered to let me see them but would have been super late, so I said probably not best. I caved on a day last week when she was going a bit crazy and said that I can't help you if you don't help yourself! She was trying to figure out how to order checks for bank account, I get on and look for her it says to call, she said she tried before and didn't get that, so I said help yourself first. That upset her, but she kept texting about other stuff that was wrong too. So the tough love that day wasn't bad, but since them not much. I don't think I want to keep tough thing going too much, but maybe a little, it either sealed my fate or she woke up a bit.
She talked with me on phone about what my oldest D was doing in the lake, swimming jumping from dock, I told her I was so proud of her, and she said so was I, after that she sent me pics, and I screwed up again and said wish I was there. She said I know, and then said they were all sick with this viral stuff, and that she was almost to barfing from heat exhaustion and sore throat and pain. I said that has to just be terrible I hope you feel better quick. And she said thanks me too. Trying to keep it all about her, but I did miss my D's very much, shouldn't have said wish I was there with them, oh well in the past.
Seems weird that there is more communication, but I just don't believe it's going to help us out, more to get along for the kids, and prepare for later, but it is nice to at least get a bit. I think part of problem to is so back and forth, on Thursday when she picked up girls and left she texted was stuck in traffic looks like a wreck, texted back and forth about it, and then just nothing until Saturday and the girls. We have a day of communication and then days in between. It's like a roller coaster, uphill real slow and then quickly down, wait for it uphill slow and quick down. I love coasters, but would much rather be enjoying them at the park as opposed to my emotions.
