Thanks pbetra, Julie and Wonka, I hate losing my cool and my W has a way to make me do just that. I knew she wouldn't like me keeping any of the estate sale things but I didn't expect her to lose it so fast and act so badly. My D19 made an observation that W just doesn't "get" the D process. She was the one to file after saying she wasn't going to and even offered to answer MY questions after going to a lawyer but for her to believe that until she gets the things out of the house that she wants, nothing more can move forward is so wrong headed. It seems whatever she wants the process to be is how it actually is. I think the thing that I was most shocked about is how she went on about her having to sleep on the couch for 6 months, like I told her she had to or something. That was her choice and there was no real reason except that she didn't want to sleep in the same bed with me. Heck, I even offered to sleep out there several times when she complained about it. I gave her nothing but space, didn't ask a thing from her and she still wanted to blame me for her unhappiness and stress. It appears now she is using the fact that she hasn't gotten all the "stuff" she wants from the house as a reason for her "stress". I guess it's hard to blame me when I live 26 miles away. The thing I wish most today is that I hadn't allowed her to take the clock. Once again by having a tantrum she got what she wanted. I shouldn't have let her take it as now she probably thinks that all she needs do is have a fit and she can get her way. Just like a toddler!
I spoke with my D19 on my way to meeting up with her boyfriend. She doesn't really want to live with him (of course part of her does but..)realizes that it's not a good idea but at the same time she just wants to get on with her life. She said her mom told her if she lived with her she would be able to get a job and she would help her but she doesn't want to live with her the way she has been acting and she couldn't go to school (too far away). I told her how sorry I was that I can't do more and she said she understands and she knows I would do more if I could and she is open to moving back home with me once she is able and I am making more. She is scared about being on her own but at the same time excited. This isn't how this was supposed to go. I wanted to be able to help her, give her the stability of being at home while she worked her way to moving on with her life and my W has now made this impossible at least for now. My D14 has been staying with my MIL and she told me my MIL cries almost every day because of what my W is doing. That she gets off the phone from talking to my W about the D and she is in tears. So many people are being hurt and all my W thinks about is "stuff". Why does "family" things mean so much to her but at the same time she is so easily destroying her own family?
I know what you mean about the detaching and needing to forget the history and love of so many years that seemed to just disappear overnight. The early months where you just can't believe this is the person you've been M to for so very long and the trying to figure out where YOU went wrong. The thinking that there must be SOMETHING you can do to make the M work. The expecting your S to at least want to try, if possible, to work things out and then watching them just run faster and faster. The only thing that has kept me sane is knowing about MLC and why she is doing the things she is and acting the way she is. As for the phone calls, this is the first time she has called since she left. She has texted once or twice but she won't even text me about picking up my D14. She texts my D and when I told her to please text ME not a 14 year old she said she assumed my D would let me know! Come on, that's just juvenile to count on a 14 year old to be a go between when all she has to do is text me instead of her. Par for the course I guess.
As much as I hate to have to do it, I am going to get in touch with my lawyer and see about how we can avoid all this in the future. There is also the matter of the $100 phone bill of hers I had to pay that she refuses to pay me back for. It is going to end up costing her much more than $100 if I have to have my lawyer to send the bill to HER lawyer who is most likely going to tell her she has to pay it. I didn't want to start doing that kind of petty crap but if she is going to act like this, I have no choice. When all this started my W stated that D didn't hurt kids, it's how the parents acted after and during that hurt them. She said as long as we acted like "adults" they would be fine and she would be a better mother since she would finally be "happy". I wonder how she thinks the way she is acting is "adult" and if she still thinks she is a "better" mother yet. Actually I'm sure it hasn't crossed her mind as it's not about her and what she wants.
I was surprised at how nice her best friend was. How she told me that she thinks what my W is doing is so wrong. That I'm such a "great guy" and how many of the people my W knows are even angry about what she is doing. I also feel badly about her having to be there for the blow up. I was thinking I should send her a message saying how sorry I was that the day ended so badly. I think I can trust her to not say anything to my W if I ask her not to but then again, she is my W's friend. I need to think on that one. Time to get on with MY life and understand I just can't control anything that my W says or does and just deal with her as things happen but be prepared for anything from this point forward.
Thanks for the support everyone. Not sure what I would do without all of you!
