I went there without expectations. Had a good time. Enjoyed the moment. Left without expectations. No expectations still today.
The only part I wish I had done differently would have been to clarify to the couple that we were no longer together. Maybe not "appear" as though we were still a couple...although HE fell into that one as well.
Last edited by makingmagic; 07/28/1405:34 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I was trying.. I spent time reviewing... I don't see it. Not trying to defend or argue... sorry if it comes across like that.
Please point it out for me? I seriously just thought I was journalling about the party. The good/bad/ugly... just the facts/truths.
?????
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
If someone (or even everyone) points out how -- broadly -- you made the party (or your post about the party) all about him, you disagree and ask us to point it out. And if we then break it down into pieces and point it out, you will then disagree about each piece.
It's maddening, and why I have said you are "uncoachable."
I completely get trying to use the boards to get needs met that were maybe previously met in your relationship. I get it. I do that...it's just, I don't see you trying to find your way outta he!! It's like you are perfectly content to remain there and you just want cheerleaders to give you Atta Boys! when you turn down coffee.
It's frustrating.
I told you my story. I laid it out there for all to see...much like many others have done...my painful past in an effort to help you and your response was pretty much, "My childhood was happy. I'm sorry for you, but that doesn't apply to me."
If it NEVER applies to you, then WHY ARE YOU HERE?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
apologetically, I am not looking for the attention or to disagree.
If everyone feels that my post about the party was all about him... then ok. I guess it was. I will keep looking/reviewing to see it.
Heather, I am sorry that you feel I dismissed your story. I just don't see how it applied to my family, as my upbringing was completely different.
I'm not uncoachable... I am willing to review & take 2x4's. I will not disagree or argue it, as I understand it to be critical help.
I would like to move past the party & carry on.
THIS NEW THREAD IS ABOUT ME!
Last edited by makingmagic; 07/28/1407:26 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Yes... that post was written all about him... HOWEVER, I did learn from this event that I could go independently to a party that he was at. I learned that I could have a good time and not to focus on him. I learned that I could approach him (walk), and for it to mean nothing to me.,... It was on MY terms. I learned that I could do this stuff and not have expectations of what it could mean or didn't mean. I did not analyze any of his words or actions. I did not get my hopes up the next day.
It was what it was... a work event.
I feel I handled it pretty well.
Last edited by makingmagic; 07/28/1407:41 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Mr mm, is just too lazy and shallow in his thinking to actually think he can treat you differently.
He is still treating you exactly the same as if you we're together. He left, but is so habitual he just can't/wont change. He sounds like he likes control and knows he has it.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Yesterday, we made business purchases out of our province.... and then he says "road trip"... i shrugged it off with a "pfft". Later, he mentions that he was serious... maybe even bring DD too. This is NOT just a business trip... he is viewing it as a mini holiday that we both NEED. A time to spend together. Getting along.
BUT..... not suggesting "commitment" or working on things.... its just more of his "connection time", that satisfies him.
I am not sure what to say about this..... what satisfies me?
Keeping the focus on me and being truthful, I am not sure I can "handle" going & not want to make something out of it. On the flip side, it sure would be nice to get away from the business & be with the 2 that I love.
Of course I WANT to go... but, does doing so make me look like I am accepting crumbs? or does missing out hurt only me?
I know its wrong to ask... what does this trip mean? Is it business or personal? ...that is pressure and controlling. He would feel pressured by this questioning & fluff it off and say "I just thought it would be nice to get away, have fun"
But, how will I know HIS truth... when he's being just too casual??
Is his "casual" his truth? THATS IT? (he has mentioned many times about wanting to "see" where it goes... no commitment).... GRRRR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning we were briefly discussing how difficult and stubborn his mom is & how he is not. We giggled. He said he is trying to change & is working on that. He mentioned about my changes with "dog with a bone", and he has noticed I have changed.
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Last night was good. I had a women's meeting that I left feeling good about myself.
Tonight, I am leaving work early to attend a concert with my girlfriend. My treat... she is such a supportive friend. She deserves it!
my typical old behaviour is creeping in... I am scared to let Xbf know that I am:
1) leaving early.... because "HE" will feel that "HE" works more than me 2) going to a concert .... because "HE" will feel that "I" have more fun than him.
YES!!! I know... those are about HIM,... I am trying to not care what he thinks/feels & put the focus on what works for me.
So, might just state that I am leaving early tonight as I have plans.....
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
