Not sure what to do

[25yearsmlc]

PS

Just so I know I'm being clear, you MUST READ THE BOOK(S) that forms the basis of this site,

or you'll get much LESS out of this approach and out of this site.

It won't make nearly as much sense as it would if you read the book. And it sort of wastes our time b/c so many people post here who DID read the books and know what we mean, so, DO read one or both of the foundational books, okay?

And reading a book to save your m, is surely not too much to ask.

Bob, you have a defeatist attitude that will NOT help you. Shoot, you almost sound as if you think you waited too long to come here--- and perhaps you did, but the thing is,

you cannot know that until you truly TRY the divorce busting methods. That takes more than a week or two.

How will she know if she can trust your changes enough to show some of her own?

Bob, Do the "math"...on

YOUR END, which means...

consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

And visa versa

Do give this a try. It's a different approach, but it has a lot of success, comparatively speaking.

And if you can get your wife to Retrovaille, (a weekend retreat for marriages in crisis) it does amazing things to help couples change dramatically. They have a follow up support program as well, for which they don't charge anything. It's an excellent way to spend a weekend...very worthwhile.

I think it would do you both a lot of good. We found it very useful and we got some tools for a situation we had not had before.

That's b/c right as we began to piece and reconcile, h's mother was diagnosed as terminally ill...so yes, I knew we needed NEW tools for what was coming.

Thank God we went to Retrovaille, bc another couple there, (one of the "team" couples) had that exact issue from their m...which they worked thru! We often know what NOT to do, from our parents. But what we lack, sometimes, are positive role models to replace the bad behaviors with healthy choices.

I feel as if we got some tools at Retrovaille and another personal growth workshop ("Essential Experience" in Philadelphia, aka "EE")

AND we found some great positive role models for happy healthy marriages. THANK GOD.

So, keep on keeping on and keep posting and DO read the book (either of them or both. If you only read one, I'd read the Div Remedy book b/c it's slightly more updated.)

However the first edition (div busting) gives a LOT of data about how harmful divorce is. But you probably already know that.

Hang in there, I gave my marriage a "10% chance of success" in 2006...so it can look hopeless and NOT be hopeless.

Oh, one "tip" for now, Be a lot more careful about throwing out the word "Divorce" too easily. I think it's very destructive. And there are times when it's said in anger (a lot of times)

and then the person who wished they could retract, is sort of stuck "having to follow thru" on a threat they never should have made in the first place.

That's crazy but it happens all the time. So, be cautious with word choice.
And do keep us posted.

((( )))