1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Got it. Thank you for the reply.

I know for my STBX friendship would be a first step towards anything further. I know this for several reasons. She has been hurt by my expectations and how I made her feel she never lived up to them, so friendship represents an 'expectation free' zone where she can feel safer. Early on after BD she made several references that 'we don't know what the future holds, maybe we'll move on, maybe we'll be better friends and grow closer', etc. And she has told me in the past she never felt like we were good friends and feels that would have to be at the heart of any R.

HOWEVER I'm not suggesting she's thinking about reconciliation at this point. I agree she is trying to 'cake eat' in the sense of being her own individual self free of my bs that made her miserable, and simply wants to minimize the negatives as much as possible. I've been spending a lot of time trying to understand how different the WAS feels and though its difficult and painful I kind of get it. I listened to "I will survive" repeatedly this morning to remind myself of where she's at.

I will still follow my DC's advise as she knows my situation and has done well for me so far. Also, if nothing further happened I'd still like an amicable divorce and friendly coparenting relationship. I just need to do some thinking about how I set y boundaries so I can walk this balance.

I think my mantra will be 'would i do this for a male friend?' That way I know I'm steering the ship based off of courtesy and good will, not denial and pursuit. That would only hurt and backfire.

Thanks!