How you described your relationship...Isn't that the Dance of Anger? I know it well...backwards and forwards.
He becomes distant, you work harder to please/engage or, in my case, I learned to step away/give distance...then, he blows with fireworks. Next, he is humble and HE is the one working hard to make nice...the attention is lovely and addictive after all the distance. Good times with someone so volatile are awesome. The sex is heightened, the intensity, the drama...add it all up and you have a powerful connection. Until, the cycle starts over and he distances again.
Not speaking from experience here, but I DON'T think a healthy relationship involves all that volatility. I think it's steady...maybe even a little boring to what you and I are accustomed to.
In your MLC situation, you, literally, had a shootout. A knife thrower boyfriend may seem blah after that. Seriously, the adrenalin rush is addictive.
Quote:
Recipe for Disaster
1. Does he love me?
2. He distances. He HATES me! I must work harder...(sex is never better when you are trying to convince someone they SHOULD love you)
3. POW! BAM! FIREWORKS when he blows like Vesuvius.
4. Aftermath. He's an A-HOLE! I hate HIM! I deserve better.
5. Awe...he brought flowers, he's sorry...he's just misunderstood.
6. I can help. See! This is the problem! I've found it. I can help him fix it. It's because he wasn't breastfed.
Rinse. Repeat.
The bottom line Kim: Even if it IS BPD, it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM...it's his. And, your girls deserve the attention you are giving him for his adult problems that he isn't fixing himself.
Mmmm sounds exactly like my h!
The whole thing about him endlessly. He's the eternal victim.
That whole anger dance must be why I keep thinking he's waiting for me to pursue him and behave badly. So he can blow up again, and make it my fault. No wonder I was emotionally drained and exhausted.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
