I'm sorry to hear that you're in bad shape. We've been there....It does get better. It stinks, but it gets better. Just trust.
First of all - remember that an affair is not about you. It's about her. She is looking to fix some broken part inside of herself. Most people affair down - that means her OM is probably not as good of a man as you are (duh - he's with a married woman which already shows how much integrity he's got) and he's probably not as good looking as you are.
Secondly - affairs are addictions. You said it yourself - it's like she gets her fix. You cannot ask her to stop or reason with her. The only thing that will stop the affair is when the whole house of cards starts to fall. That happens with time as the fantasy fades. They cannot live in this place of lies forever, and at some point they have to face the reality of the destruction that they have caused.
In the meantime, you can protect yourself. You can get a life. You can be the spouse that she would be a fool to leave. AND you can figure out in that time if you want your W back.
You don't really want this W back.
And something I realized this weekend...I don't really want the old H back. I need something different now, too. We both are going to change as a result of this. It's going to take hard work.
First and foremost though - cut yourself a break. Do you have an IC? If not - I hope you can find someone to talk to. I know that money is tight right now - so maybe someone from a church or from a mental health hotline? Just a thought.
If you haven't read some of the information by Hearts Blessing on Mid-Life Crisis, check it out. I found a lot of her articles gave me something to hang on to in my darkest days. I go back to them a lot. They are Christian-based, so if that turns you off then maybe it's not for you.
Lastly - read and re-read Divorce Remedy. The whole book is magic and needs to be read, but her information on MLC and Affairs is definitely useful.
