$ 240 is abit high but her reputation is of the highest and she is partner in the firm . There are other lawyes yes but should you go cheap on somthing like this .No not ton of assets , mostly just worried about children .Im in Canada
I didn't say go cheap. My intent was to have you slow down and really think for yourself about what might be your best choice.
Charging a lot doesn't mean you're good. Being a partner may mean lots of things. Where do the reports of her reputation come from?
Don't just jump, slow down and think about your choices.
Would that be a 180 for you?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I would try to set up a free initial consultation with two or three different lawyers at this point, Dawg. You want to make the best decision possible, and it's best to interview several before making a final decision that will cost you $$$.
Do you work? Is your wife the larger wage-earner?
Do lawyers up there typically charge an up-front retainer (most here do), or just charge by the hour? Charging by the hour would be MUCH more feasible for you; I had to pay a $2,500 and my wife a $3,500 retainer to each of our attorneys, up-front.
Aside from the lawyer conversation, I noted that you said your wife did all the cleaning and cooking. I have to say step up. I am a single mom of four kids. I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and home maintenance . My ex doesn't see the kids often enough to actually raise them, so that is my job too. My house isn't the most organized but my kids for the most part are well mannered, help when they aren't in school or working. I also hold down a full time job.
It can be done. No time to wonder about it all. You can and will be able to get it done. Maybe this was one of your wife's issues?
kat
Last edited by kat727; 07/26/1412:02 AM.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Dawgy is in bad shape . Trying to keep it together . As to Kats question , no my wifes issues had nothing to do with that . I helped plenty around the house , done all house Mait and a full time job with overtime . She was off work for ten years then she started into my business and now she works fulltime there . To be honest i know I had a role in this , but she is going through something big .I dont even know this woman anymore , she is a total stranger from this time last year . I know the OM has her brainwashed . Its the only way I can explain such a loving wife and mother walking out on her kids . Its totally absurd to me . Extremly painful for me and the boys and she seems to think we will all be just fine in time . You cant reason with her even a little bit . Its like shes on drugs , she would be sitting at home just fidgity and nervous , say she has to leave , she d come back a couple hours later happy and content . She went and got her fix . Its totally mental . Trying to make her see that is like talking to a brick wall .
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
I'm sorry to hear that you're in bad shape. We've been there....It does get better. It stinks, but it gets better. Just trust.
First of all - remember that an affair is not about you. It's about her. She is looking to fix some broken part inside of herself. Most people affair down - that means her OM is probably not as good of a man as you are (duh - he's with a married woman which already shows how much integrity he's got) and he's probably not as good looking as you are.
Secondly - affairs are addictions. You said it yourself - it's like she gets her fix. You cannot ask her to stop or reason with her. The only thing that will stop the affair is when the whole house of cards starts to fall. That happens with time as the fantasy fades. They cannot live in this place of lies forever, and at some point they have to face the reality of the destruction that they have caused.
In the meantime, you can protect yourself. You can get a life. You can be the spouse that she would be a fool to leave. AND you can figure out in that time if you want your W back.
You don't really want this W back.
And something I realized this weekend...I don't really want the old H back. I need something different now, too. We both are going to change as a result of this. It's going to take hard work.
First and foremost though - cut yourself a break. Do you have an IC? If not - I hope you can find someone to talk to. I know that money is tight right now - so maybe someone from a church or from a mental health hotline? Just a thought.
If you haven't read some of the information by Hearts Blessing on Mid-Life Crisis, check it out. I found a lot of her articles gave me something to hang on to in my darkest days. I go back to them a lot. They are Christian-based, so if that turns you off then maybe it's not for you.
Lastly - read and re-read Divorce Remedy. The whole book is magic and needs to be read, but her information on MLC and Affairs is definitely useful.
Thx MLP or Em . This is so hard . I was doing so good detaching and then this . Why is she sooooo cold and un feeling . how can she inflict so much pain on her own children . Who has my wife become , why did this happen ?
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
One of the things that has helped me is to stop asking why, but also to start looking at H as a different person. This feels a little bit like helping someone with an addiction problem or a mental illness. I don't like it, but it's where he is right now. And just like any traumatic event will change a person, I'm changing as he changes. Will our paths reconverge? I think so.
My path to detachment is a journey, too. I was not ready to do this months ago. It gets easier with time.
Dawgy - here is a super valuable link. I read this and it made me realize that my husband was in MLC Depression. I hope you find it helpful, too. Keep in mind - you can't reason with an MLC person; they have to go on this journey to fix their issues all by themselves. It's hard on them, too.
