"The third time's lucky. "

[TL72*]

On Friday I received an email from my ex asking if he was supposed to get paperwork showing that the refi was final. It is not in the divorce paperwork to provide proof but I emailed back that I would be happy to send him some documents when I receive them (I guess the payoff letter from the mortgage company or the warranty deed with only my name on it). Anyway I thought no big deal. Then he emailed back saying "I guess I gave you a house, figures" which I did not respond to. He didn't give me anything. We bought that house together, I have worked full time making a higher salary than him the entire 16 years we lived together. The down payment was my severence pay from a prior job and the other part of the down payment was a gift from my father. Yes he paid half the mortgage payment each month for close to 5 years but that hardly constitutes giving me a house. Then there is the fact that HE asked for the divorce, HE wrote the papers and he wrote them in such a way that he wanted out, he wanted out NOW and he didn't want any thing to do with me and asked for no equity. He took his clothes and cd's and laptop, and left almost everything else. Those were HIS choices - the MLC - so whatever, I didn't bother responding to that and he emailed me a few minutes later saying "no response? I deserve better than that" so I responded (yes I know I should not have, I KNOW he was baiting me!!) I stated "I'm sorry you feel that way, I did not write the divorce papers, I was only following the instructions I was given in them" (which was to refi the house within a year, I did it within 4 months, the original divorce papers said refi within 90 days by the way). He responded to that with a horrific tirade. He opened with "You Cxxt!" and that I could shove my apology up my azz, He called me a whore and some other bad things and went on about how I ruined his life. That I cost him everything. ???? I so wanted to remind him that I begged him to stay when he first bomb dropped, how I did everything I could do between then and the move out in February. I wanted to remind him how these were all his choices but I remember that there is no reasoning with someone in MLC. I wondered if maybe he was drinking. I ignored it. Then he emailed and texted me for hours. I didn't hear my phone going off, I was out with friends but I read them all after, he sent me about 6 more emails, mostly just subject lines that called me a thief - I guess he thinks I stole the house? I don't know what else he could mean about that. Calling me a whore, he sent probably 4 text messages and he called, I did not answer, never heard it ring - and he left no voicemail. When I got to work this morning he had left me an email on my work email that says "ever asked yourself "am i a thief?" I really don't know what game he's playing and I don't want to know. I am hoping he was just drunk and have not heard from him since around 8:30 Friday night. To be honest it scared me. I was thinking he might show up or take it further. I don't like feeling paranoid about it. I don't want to play victim here. Trying to remove myself from that victim triangle, I'm not responding at all but I did save them all in case the harassment continues. I don't understand why all the sudden it turned this way, the whole divorce was very fast and "friendly", he was coming over to visit the dogs every few weeks, otherwise no contact. I got the feeling he lost his job but I don't know that for sure and not trying to find out, none of my business. I do want him to leave me alone now- he's back to blaming me for everything, I just found it surprising, he wasn't like this for the last 6 months. I feel that if I were to reply it is just opening the door for more attacks. My brother suggested I change my number and email address. I shouldn't have to go through all that, and he will still know my work email, phone and where I live. He didn't threaten but I still felt threatened. I don't now, but that was my initial defensive feeling. He lives in a different town from me, about 30 minutes away. Part of me wants to understand why this is going on and the other part of me says just ignore it, let it go, forgive him, and I'm indifferent. One of his emails actually said "I hate you. You're a whore" I mean it sounds like a 7 year old having a tantrum to me. I hate you? I was hoping some of you could tell me if this has happened to you and how you handled it? I was going to just ignore it and when I get the papers from the refi I could email them to him and say something about this being the final paperwork,please don't contact me again but I think that would just instigate him to contact me again. I will send the paperwork regardless, I feel that's the right thing to do but I'm not giving him any money since it was not in the divorce paperwork. He left me with a 1200 dollar a month house payment to suddenly pay alone, and 4 cats and 2 dogs - if anyone got screwed it was me. The vet care and food, litter etc can be enormous. Now that I refi'd it is saving me money and I'm feeling independent and stronger than ever before. I'm rambling now, I just wondered if any of you had some advice, if it happens again if I should respond or ask him to please stop or let him know that I"m documenting everything? Right now i'm just letting it go and seeing what happens. He's obviously very angry and I didn't even do anything to prompt this but refi the house like he wanted. argh.