Hi, just having a coffee and saw your reply - yes, from what you say it is behaviour that you are comfortable with and thus even somewhat attracted to (without liking it). Many women who finally leave an abusive relationship (not a MLC one) end up with another abuser. Physically and emotionally abusive men can be very good at being very nice - baiting the trap if you like. But abuse is the dynamic.
If it really bothered them and on some level didn't work for them they would seek help to break the cycle. He probably enjoys the drama on some level, even if he denies it. I believe that it might help you to think of him as not an OK person with blips, but a damaged person capable of periods of good behaviour.
He fills your emotional needs because he knows what to say.
Have you thought what it is you get from working with the people you do? It is important work, but it might be worth considering just what draws you to it, and also what draws your co-workers to it.
It isn't a question of changing ourselves, but of greater self understanding so that we act out of volition and not reaction
