You know guys, I can figure other people out pretty well, but myself, Im still learning about. I guess Im still learning how to truly care for myself. Honestly I guess because I feel I understand more of what's going on, and what Im dealing with, I feel more empowered and willing to go on a little longer.
I realize that staying involved with this man will result in nothing but the cycle that has become the norm. Anywhere to a few weeks to a few months of really good behavior, then he will have an angry abandonment threat and fall off the good behavior wagon and here we go again.
Learning about BPD has really helped me understand this method to his odd madness that I've been witnessing for over a year now. I think I tend to fool myself that if I understand something, then I can handle it and I have it under control. Now that you mention MLCers are displaying this sort of behavior plus narcissism, I guess you're right, it's almost something I've become to know and get used to thanks to Ex H.
Truth be known I know that it's his issues, not mine when he starts to swing into his irrational mode. I've made the wrong choices in allowing him to push my buttons and I end up losing it myself and fighting with this man over things only his mind can rationalize.
This man fills my emotional needs up until he's irrational as hell. I do believe this is the addiction cycle Im stuck in. He's an emotional support, someone I can have intelligent conversations with, someone that I have many things in common with, someone that shows true genuine interest in me and my life! He listens to me, he talks to me about things that are going on with me!This man makes me feel like I matter! This man has made me feel accepted, valued, adored, appreciated, desired, and absolutely loved for the first time in many years, and ever since the day we met. He does all the good things I want and need in a partner on a consistent basis, and has never wavered!
It's just all the sudden we have this presto change -o mood swing, when his abandonment button gets ever so brushed and here we go.
We do have a long distance relationship, which gives me the room to take care of myself, and my children, and still live my life independently from him. We haven't seen in each other in 2 months. This is due to me refusing to see him after he's had an adult tantrum. So I am standing my ground!
The true bottom line is.... if I choose to remain in this relationship it's just going to continue to keep cycling like it has. When the good times are good, they're fantastic! When he pulls his crap, well I've got choices to make.
Honestly I think what I really need to focus on is if I continue to stay with him, can I keep dealing with his tantrums time and time again.
Honestly when he does this, he acts like my 11 year old that has anger issues too!
Honestly I think Im just so used to all this behavior in some form due to children, ex husbands, and a family of alcoholics, that to me it's just " Oh ok, here's another one with a few tweaks in the system. Let us see how we deal with this one!"
I also work with the elderly, and disabled, mentally and physically. I just have this all around me no matter what.
