Have you discussed any type of transparency plan with her? B//c when she says she will handle it her way, it is doubtful she will be able to end the A. If you have read about PEAS, you understand how OM is her drug of choice. Every time she sees his number pop up, how strong do you think she'll be? She has to end the A like an amputation. Quickly and completely! There is no tapering off. There is no going from lovers to just friends. So if she gives you that BS, don't accept it. It's not good enough.
She will experience withdrawal symptoms if she ends the A. Mine lasted for a long time. It's hard to bounce back into the MR while craving contact with OM. On fact, I don't think there is any "bounce". It is slow painful work. I don't think she can do it without support. But she has to agree to be open. No more secrets. She needs to know what to experience emotionally. She will moody and depressed.
If she is not willing to be transparent, then she hasn't closed the door to OM. She's playing you with all those old familiar lines. "You have to trust me to handle it my way". Trust??? Did she say trust her?
It is going to be slippery. You have to stand tall and firm. Stop with the mad moods. Remain calm, but firm in your boundaries. She may think she can end it, or she may be trying to figure a way to have both, IDK. Ending the A is the first step, but it is not reconciliation. You will need a good family therapist to guide both of you in piecing the M back together. It's a tough time.
Don't give up at this point. It can still happen.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
