I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[Zues126]

DBin- I feel your pain, I really do. Just know one thing- you aren't ready to be in an R when you can't live without it.

Think about that for a minute. Really. I feel where you're coming from, as do many. And the last thing you want is time on your own, ANYTHING to comfort yourself.

But there is nothing you can do to force your ex back. Only things you can do to drive her away (which your neediness will as you've seen).

The question is what is so terrible about being alone? Why are you so uncomfortable in your own skin? Is it the pain of rejection and being abandoned? Is it that the real world is too painful so you've created a fantasy of how great your life will be when you reunite, it will solve your problems because you will finally understand each other perfectly and share pure love so strong it transcends superficial differences? Those were some of my problems, read my thread.

The reality is though your life will always be a disaster until you learn to walk on your own two feet. Now, if you're like me you say- 'great mr. Know it all, but I'm not strong enough to do that! How do I get from here to there?!!!' Well, it's like any other problem. When you hit rock bottom and truly NEED to change you will find a way to do it because you HAVE to. I HAVE to change because I DO hope to reconcile and DO want to be healthier no matter what. I was damn near suicide for too long, I'm done running from the fact it was my own destructive outlooks bringing the pain on. So if you are done feeling this way then stop thinking its about your ex, or because you're missing out on your fantasy utopia. It's in your head and outlook.

Frankly you sound as mixed up as many drug addicts I've known, and smart enough to rationalize and distort logic to avoid reality and the need for REAL change. I'd recommend finding a therapist and when you feel like they don't understand you and just don't get it...think again. It IS VERY tough but if you really want to feel different in the future than you do now it is what you have to do.

Anything else is self deception. You have a broken arm and I'm telling you to go to the doctor. And you're thinking 'but if I just had a new puppy dog I'm sure I'd feel better, I want a puppy!!!' At some point even the best bs-er acknowledges reality after enough pain. Are you there yet?