Stuck On You

[Raine]

Howdy all! I'm just checking in and letting you know all is still going incredibly well. It's hard to do posts when things just flow. I guess the silence speaks volumes. (Right, T!? )

There are moment that are hard, and tough times that come up, but eh, they don't last long, and in the scope of things, they really don't matter. All these things that may ruin other people's days or months or years...they're just not a big enough deal to throw away my positive, happy outlook. Sometimes things come up and they'll just roll off the back as, "Well nothing we can do about it, so let's not let that bother us or take up any more of our time." H is even better at doing this than I am. He's a great example to me.

But it does make me reflect back, knowing that the person I was then would have let little things bother her much more. I'm thankful for the growth that came from all of this. I really love life. I love who I am. I feel happiness even in the tough times. I can see the positives in the darkest moments of my life. I wouldn't change anything then, in order to give up any part of now.

H is amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing. He is so genuine, loving, and caring. I feel like he just gets me, inside and out. He knows what is wrong or troubling me, often before I even pinpoint it myself. If there is anything that concerns me, even mildly, he is all over it. He seems to be far more concerned about me and my well being than anything else in the world. Yes, I know I am the top of his list. I am above the kids, himself, his job, everything.

H is very open with me about things. It's given me a huge amount of insight into all of this. He has used terms like facing his deepest fears, triggering me back to HeartsBlessing and the way she described things. I do think there are still things for H to work through, but he feels very stable, that he has faced the biggest fears that he has, and that I am the one who stabilized him through that. I'm the one who helped him realize that these things that were just so astronomical in his mind do not change how I feel about him. That these things are not as big as he believed them to be.

There are still pieces of the puzzle missing for me, but they don't matter. It's more of a curiosity thing to me. I rarely ask anything anymore. I can't think of the last time I did. The questions just don't come to mind like they used to. I've stopped looking back. I'm far more concerned about how he is now and things I can do to show him just how special I think he is and how much I love him.

H has aged a lot in the past two years. He still looks quite young for his age, but not like before. I looked at pictures of him from two years ago, and it looks more like a 10+ year difference. He looks more mature and wiser. It's a good thing. I find him incredibly attractive. He continues to excel in everything he does. He fascinates me.

So an OW update? They rarely come to mind. I have seen stuff pop up on my DB FB account for two of them, since that was the account I used to look at their pages with. So to complete that part of my story, I might as well fill you in on that too.

I still despise OW1 and don't think much of OW2 either, as they were the ones who got involved with him knowing he was married, although he did tell ow1 that he was filing for D before they did anything physical, so she has that going for her. Eh, I'm working on that. (Not really. I'm supposed to say that, right? I am working on knowing that I should not feel hatred if they come to mind, because all it does is affect me. I genuinely feel sorry for them too.) OW3 I don't feel anything towards, other than I hope she fixes what is wrong in her marriage, but my H didn't feel married and she didn't feel he was married either. I get it. He feels horrible about that one because it was a total friends with benefits and here she is married. OW4 is engaged and I'm happy for her. I felt sorry for her in all this because she only knew the truth H told her. I'm glad that it seems like she has ended up with a really nice guy and H didn't screw her up more than her own father already has.

I wish I had more time to hang around here. Sometimes I don't feel like I fit in anymore. It was incredibly difficult for a period of time there to read other sitches. It would cause me PTSD. I still feel disconnected from a lot of that period of separation. It's very dreamlike.

But if you have any questions, I'll try my best to answer them.