Had a wonderful few days at girls weekend scrapbooking and drinking wine Even scrap booked last year's big vacation with pics of H and I and family and didn't feel down. ( that vacation was 2 months prior to BD and our first trip to Europe. I had quite a bit of resentment about it for awhile thinking why would he go on such a big trip and then walk out- MLC alien ship calling of course). I found myself even feeling joyful as I spent the few days hanging with friends and documenting family memories.
So I have no idea why on earth I did what I did when I got home but I think I went bonkers for a little while. After hanging by the pool and cooking food for week and swinging by to see the horse, I sat and read through old emails between H and I over the last few years. I did this once before right after BD and this time my perspective is much clearer as I read them and understand where he was emotionally, but it certainly put me in a more somber mood. Not sad or painful like it used to, so I guess that's good. I have so many other things I could have been doing though, so I'm not sure what prompted that. Have only two older kids in house, H dropped off S16 early evening and went to his home and crashed after a full day of ATVing, little two went to beach with friends so maybe the quiet did make me go wacky.
In any case, I have a little bit better understanding of the timing and I think the triggers for H's MLC. Still see him bouncing around but it seems for the most part replay is leaving our lives and he visits Earth with his mind intact much more than he used to. Now to get myself out of this weird slump and back to my great PMA.....
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
