Truthfully, I have no idea who he is right now and I have been questioning all the other times I suspected something but decided not to act on it.
If he is having an A and has been throughout the M then he's a darn good liar. I tried to move on from the first lie about the girl he never disclosed. I thought it was odd that he chose to never talk about her...at all. And then there's the credit card thing. Oh and one time I saw a couple of hangers in the closet I didn't recognize and confronted him. I cant' remember his response but the issue was diffused. I didn't really want to get into a big blow out over stupid clothe hangers. I sure had moments when I started second guessing my own memory.
Things did get better after a while but I still had a hard time trusting him. Yeah, I'm sure my previous bad experiences didn't help with the trust thing. But, I let it go. I would mention the issue every now and again until eventually I stopped talking about it.
He did change his phone number and left his phone out in the open. His time away from home was accounted for. But, whose to say that there isn't a friend at work? He brought us to the office once for family day. I got to see his desk and pictures were there. He invited me to one of their quarterly lunch outings. It seemed harmless. My intuition tells me he's still withholding info but there's nothing I can do about that. I chose to stop snooping because it did drive me crazy. Do I want to find out if he's been lying the whole time? I do. But then a part of me is thinking "to what extent" and if I did confirm it and he decided to turn things around whose to say he won't revert back to his old self. Then what?
I'm not totally discrediting his character. He's a good guy. At least, part of what he shows me tells me he wants to be a good guy. I mean there were a lot of moments that were sincere. That's when our communication was good and so was the physical part. We spent a lot of time driving 4 hours to see his family. He became really involved with my children and things were smooth.
Come to think of it the only time we argued was when I was feeling insecure and suspicious. Our biggest issue, IMO, has been his reluctance or apprehension about starting a family together. I would bring up the topic and we agreed that we both wanted to have kids together. But then nothing would happen after that. So I'd bring it up again and of course again...we were in a holding pattern. I have a health issue that could only worsen with pregnancy. My doctor said it was not impossible but that sooner would be better. He knew this and was there at my appt. with me. Still, he didn't budge.
Finally, I grew tired of being put off. There was something crucial he wasn't telling me. At this point I was thinking about leaving but I resorted to seeing a MC. I did several sessions by myself and H eventually joined me. We went for about 6 weeks and things were getting better. So, i thought. Then we started to looking into a house. Planning for another child meant more space so I took this as his effort to show me that he was in on the baby thing. I was happy. We found a house. Signed a contract. Picked out our upgrades. Worked hard with the lenders to get the financing thing rolling. We got approved. Throughout all this I sensed something wasn't settling right with him. I would ask from time to time how he felt about it but he never shared how he felt. Only what he thought. So I took it as me being insecure again and didn't question it any further. I thought he was just anxious about how to deal with all the finances that come along with it.
Still, I grew increasingly worried to a point where I said "we don't have to go through with this. I'd rather stay in this school district for the kids instead of be happy in a beautiful house while my kids are miserable in their new school" and "I'll just have to get over it." He said okay. But then we found out getting out of the contract was gonna cost us. He left for his business trip and that's when he dropped the bomb on me. And here I am trying to figure out WTH?
Now that he knows I'm on to him; how do I catch him in a lie? Wouldn't this only justify his wanting out if I get caught or confront him with the evidence?
