WAW having an A but she denies it #2

[Train]

No need to be confused. But - make no mistake about it - there's no question as to why you ARE confused. This whole thing is hard, sho. It'll probably be the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But you can do it. And we are here to help.

Can I point out something real quickly, sho? Here's a positive: she's not flying off the handle. And she hasn't dropped the S or D bomb. Even though you were thinking she would. What's the lesson in that? Stop that "stinkin' thinkin'."

And learn to identify - quickly - when you are speaking and acting from a place of strength and honor ... or when you're speaking and acting from a place of FEAR (and ego).

There's no use in demanding the truth from her; she's not ready to give that to you. And frankly, you should be skeptical of anything she says right now anyway. Because all cheaters lie.

You will not become her "gay boyfriend" - I don't feel an ounce of concern that you will end up there.

And, as Starsky already said, watch that fine line between listening to what she's saying and going overboard on your responses. Yep, I can see why your W may feel you're coming across as "controlling" right now. At the same time, they pretty much allll say that. So find the ways in which you ARE being unreasonably controlling.

No more demanding the truth - or expecting it - right now.

But you've already realized that on your own.

So what now?

Go back through your threads. I know you feel like you've been in a warp zone the past couple days. We know how you feel ... alllll too well. But now that the first talks have been had, this would be a really good time to go back and read through advice you've already been given here. Use that to judge yourself in a way. If you were scoring yourself, in which areas would you give yourself an "A"? In what areas did you fail? And work on the areas in which you failed.

I think you'll also be able to see things - and advice - with a new kind of clarity that maybe you didn't have before. I have read back through my own threads and realize that I see the advice given to me through completely different eyes now. Back then, everything felt fearful and urgent. And that stands out to me now. Fear and urgency must be overcome. But it's going to take practice, sho.

This is marathon. Not a sprint.

First thing's first: lighten up a little. Remember the advice to be warm and neighborly? Confident, cool and collected? A little harder now that she's right there at home, eh?

Yeah, buddy. It's hard.

But please keep in mind that your M wasn't trashed in a day. Nor will it be saved in a day.

Remember: no fear. No urgency.

So how do YOU think you should proceed?

How about just for today? What do you plan to do?