I know I have been controlling. My dad is that way with my mom. I truly hate that I can be that way and know that my wife feels great freedom being a part from me now when she travels. The A is giving her the strength to stand up to me. In a weird way, maybe it would have been better if I had not known about the A because I know she liked the guy she was now seeing. But by confronting her about the A, she sees me as controlling and is "proving" to herself why she needs to leave me.
To be less controlling, I need to: - not ask her to tell me the truth - let her do what she wants, never ask where she is going - GAL - Focus on my kids - Show her that I am a better man
Pretty much, but try not to put TOO much on the "you're too controlling" complaint. It's stated by probably 90% of wives caught having affairs, especially after their betrayed husband lays down the "I will not live in an open marriage" boundary.
The challenge is now going to be that there are parts of this process now you're going to HAVE to control, and you're also going to have to enforce your boundaries. You have GOT to draw strength and confidence from your performance and genuine changes during the past 6-7 weeks and trust that she fully experienced them. Again, that is more than most of us were able to do!
