WAW having an A but she denies it #2

[Maybell]

I haven't been following your sitch closely but I just want to put this out there as food for thought:

If you agree with her that you are controlling, then how can you determine how she experienced that degree?

For context: few people would call my husband controlling in the usual sense. But in the areas where he was, to me, it felt extreme. The level of anxiety I would feel in those moments blocked out every other consideration. If we were leaving for a road trip and I was fifteen minutes later than I said I'd be, I'd be in a state of near panic trying to get everything done.

Now that we're separated, the level of relief and release I feel is difficult to express. Like, to the point that although he left me, it is one of the factors that made me question how much I wanted him back. And this is from a guy I would not generally describe as controlling, and who never set out to be.

So if you acknowledge that you are at all controlling, seriously consider that. She is an adult, one that you trust your children and your household to. Is any level of control necessary, desirable, or acceptable? Would you want to be treated that way, even a little?

I'm not defending her A by any means. But she gave you information about what she found intolerable. If you want to save your marriage you need to take that information seriously.

The line you were walking in that conversation was a narrow one, and I'm sure the vets will show up and speak to that. I just want to emphasize the point she was trying to make because going forward that information will probably have a huge bearing on your success in repairing the marriage.