WAW having an A but she denies it #2

[shodan]

My W and I spoke but she did not admit to the A. At first she denied it but then finally admitted that they have been talking. I told her to stop lying in a very stern voice. She said that is the issue...I am so controlling, she has never been happy in our 15 yr marriage and she does not want our future together. I said that we cannot talk about our M and our family while she is having an A. I told her that I know all about it, the weekends away, the lies and the deceit. She continued to say that it was not an A. They have been talking. She said he is married and has two kids. Not sure that I believe that part (I am pretty sure the OM is divorced).

She was mad that I knew so much and demonstrated to that I am vindictive and mean. She also said that I have been not a part of the family for years (not true) and that I have been super secretive (again not true). She was trying to justify her A without admitting to it. She was mad that I went out last night and did not want to talk with her. I told her that I had plans. But, she saw this as controlling because I would talk to her on her terms.

Is she right that I have been controlling over the years? Yes. But not as bad as she seems to think of course.

I definitely did not handle this well because I kept repeating "I am committed to my M, my family and our kids. But that we can discuss our M and our family as long as she is having an A." She continued to deny the A and went to yoga.