She did WAW, then I did EA, now I'm DBing...poorly

[Joe1981]

I'm nowhere near excited rayzzz. I'm just enjoying the fact that there has been a level of peace. I think just my willingness to get out of the house for a night showed her I do care about the hurt I caused. It was also a start of GALing. So was taking the kids to my buddy's house. I no longer look to friends and family for advice...just some support. Here is where people have a clue what I'm trying to do. I think the friendly neighbor thing has been really hard so far. I'm not very religious, but I need use the Jesus method of turning the other cheek when she gets mad at me. I have the tendency to slip back into the old battles. I'm working on remembering that I'm not trying to get back the old, crappy marriage, I'm trying to create new, positive feelings w/ her. It's a struggle.
I did use this place today while out w/ W and kids to just vent when frustrated...it helped.

As far as the self-improvement arena. I need to face some fear that has held me back all my life. Fear of failure in general but most specifically fear of rejection. Since I first became interested in girls, the fear of rejection by them has paralyzed me. I see that now as a big reason I got into the EA...I was dealing with the rejection by my W telling me she wanted a divorce and to keep trying meant a very real chance at more rejection where this OW was supportive and positive to me and I felt little to no fear of rejection. SO THE WRONG THING TO DO!!! However, understanding where my bad decisions came from is a good start to fixing them.