GG like so many, I can relate to some aspects of your experiences. What a ride you have been on (& continue with). When I think of my sitch (15 yrs), I think that the duration of your own certainly makes it more challenging for you. It was great to read of your dancing!!
From your post, you were rather isolated as well & this contributed to your constantly thinking about your h. I am not as isolated but a bit homebound & don't know many people here in my new home. It hit hard particularly in the beginning (the isolation which is 'cured' by being with the only one you know there).
Your DB approach is obviously working - it's a long haul but one we must all take cautiously! It would do us good eventually. Keep dancing ! p.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
When I think of my sitch (15 yrs), I think that the duration of your own certainly makes it more challenging for you. It was great to read of your dancing!! 
but one we must all take cautiously! It would do us good eventually. Keep dancing ! p.