Thanks she landed and texted me to let me know that she landed. I am at the pond with my kids, playing and having a great time. But thinking of my sitch of course, people asking where my W is and I of course need to "lie".
Going into tonight with no expectations ( at least trying to) and staying positive and upbeat
Rock on!
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
I have been exactly where you are at this exact moment...including the story telling about whereabouts.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I just ran into her briefly (by accident). Her yoga class was cancelled so she pulled by in her car while I was walking the dog. I probably a little too cold frankly. I told her we had dinner plans and that she could meet us if she wanted. I also reiterated that I know and she knows she is not being honest with me. I told her that I am fighting for my marriage, my kids and our home. She said we would talk later. I asked if she would be honest and she said yes (with tears in her eyes). I told her that I could not talk tonight because I was going out. She asked if I had a babysitter and I said no, you are watching them. She said we would talk when I got back tonight.
I hate to be a pessimist, but my guess is she loves the OM and really wants a divorce, but feels very guilty about it, me and the kids. But I need to stand strong. I don't want to lose my W but I cannot make her stay with me. If she wants to destroy our life, our home and our marriage (in addition to our kids), then that is her decision.
I feel angry, which is not the right way to approach tonight. I need to calm down and PMA.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
I just ran into her briefly (by accident). Her yoga class was cancelled so she pulled by in her car while I was walking the dog. I probably a little too cold frankly. I told her we had dinner plans and that she could meet us if she wanted. I also reiterated that I know and she knows she is not being honest with me. I told her that I am fighting for my marriage, my kids and our home. She said we would talk later. I asked if she would be honest and she said yes (with tears in her eyes). I told her that I could not talk tonight because I was going out. She asked if I had a babysitter and I said no, you are watching them. She said we would talk when I got back tonight.
I hate to be a pessimist, but my guess is she loves the OM and really wants a divorce, but feels very guilty about it, me and the kids. But I need to stand strong. I don't want to lose my W but I cannot make her stay with me. If she wants to destroy our life, our home and our marriage (in addition to our kids), then that is her decision.
I feel angry, which is not the right way to approach tonight. I need to calm down and PMA.
Be strong Sho, my wife and I have delayed our collaborative divorce. She is still in some sort of relationship with OM and as Wonka has stated I am like her gay roommate, but we are still in the same house and do things together.
My plans were to put up with this for as long as possible and Plan A her, now I am more in the 180 , if she sees him again I have committed to my sons that I will go Plan B.
So I know what your going through. The suspense is the most painful. You do know the only person who really has the most to loose here is your wife. There is a big big percentage that she and OM will not last once she goes to him. By then you will be in a better place and may have found someone else.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
1. You handled that just fine. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. AND you were caught a little off-guard. You done good. 2. Don't project and mind-read. We have NO idea what she will say tonight. 3. Remember to remain calm, strong and resolved. Do not give her ANY reason to say: "See?!? This is why I can't be with you!" 4. Did I say how awesome you did? A far cry from the vast majority of people who start off begging and pleading and crying.
Hang tough!!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Also, sho, put that anger aside tonight and LISTEN to your W. Really HEAR what she is saying. Depending on where her mind is today, there may be some re-writing of marital history. But listen for the complaints she has that STING.
These are the areas on which you can work to improve.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Awesome advice, Train. Sho you did just fine. Strong, calm. I'd've preferred you to keep her hanging a bit today, but that's fine.
Do stop asking --or even expecting -- her to be honest with you. At BEST she's going to trickle-truth you. If you KNOW she's lying, do the "stop" thing, but don't ASK her to be honest. Maybe say "I would 'expect' you to be honest with me, as that's always been a rule in our family."
