When you say how your husband portrays you. That is to a T what he says about me. Just recently he sent a girlfriend of mine a text message saying that the boys are better off than listening to mommy and daddy argue 365 days/year. Truth be told that was not the case but that is what he's convinced himself. She said , 'wow I didn't know it was that bad. You guys always seemed so happy and loving when we were all together, I'm shocked Taylor didn't say anything to me about it'. He said well I'm sure she knows you wouldn't understand because you love and support your husband no matter what. You don't make him feel like a PoS and garbage and tell him that he's an excuse for man that can't provide for his family. When she sent me that I was floored.
So needless to say they do rewrite history. I think this is based on their hurt and anger they have built up over time. I think the 18 year old in my H case started out as an EA. What worries me is what you are saying your H said is exactly what my H said after I found out about them talking. And the things he said to others about her while we were still together. 'Shes so nice, she understands me, she makes me feel important.'
Not jumping to conclusions, just keep that in mind.
We all carry plenty of our own issues and baggage with us. I think sometimes we get comfortable and stop trying. I know I have many faults as you have realized in yourself as well. We just have to work on fixing those things to make us the best we can be. The rest is up to our H's. In the end if they can't see that it is their loss. Easier to say that then feel it that way though!
