He blames me for divorce! Why is he so angry?

[sandi2]

So towards the end of the convo he was begging me to release him. That he can only be whole again if we go our separate ways and that I broke our marriage by being self righteous and making him feel less of a man.

Hummm, self-righteous huh? Nagging, complaining, not validating, no empathy, not really hearing him, demanding, chuch-going woman........equals a b'tch to a WAH. And, he justifies himself getting involved with OP.

And b/c of that, it's not a biblical marriage? Oh, that's almost funny, if it wasn't so sad.
But when I read what came up on your next post......my antenna goes way up! (But I'll get there in a second.)

There's this nagging voice that tells me he has other motivations for wanting this D and feels haste to finish it sooner than later.

Oh yeah, me too!

He was calm and did his best to be polite during the convo. However, he went as far as saying that I will be okay financially. That if I canjust find a job that I will be good and not hurting for money. So no harm done, right? And then he had to audacity to admit that he knew what he was asking for is a sin and that he has been asking for forgiveness every day. I'm just as confused as ever.

He's playing to your "religious" senses, as crazy as that seems.

My bro says that men retreat to a dark place when they feel they've had enough but that it takes patience, love, and understanding to pull them out of it. It will be painstaking but it can be done. I don't have a problem fighting for him but how can i do this when im met with rejection, opposition, and hostility? Does he really want me to stay and fight or is he really asking me to let him go?

No, he doesn't really want you to stay and fight for him! He wants his freedom!

Which brings me to my first suspicions. (however, I've lost the quote). When you locked the bedroom door and he freaked out, trying to get the door opened, and you discovered his gym bag was behind the door? Look, you've been in this situation in a previous M, didn't you recognize those signs? Even though I don't usually encourage couples to continue to snoop and spy on affairs, I honestly would have had to see what he was guarding. The gym bag held the truth behind all this need to be free from the M. But maybe you didn't really want to know?

So, I think (based on what I've read so far) you need to act as if he is in an A. You don't have to confront him, if you don't want to, but don't bury your head in the sand.

I was angry because he was not truthful about his past. I learned about a girl he dated off and on. Well, she started to text trying to rekindle again. I confronted him and he tried to minimize it. He said would take care of it but a week later she was texting again. Apparently, the girl did not know about me or that we were engaged to be married. For the second time, he said he would take care of it. The text did stop and eventually he got a new number. I felt betrayed and angry. I had just left my life and moved to a neighboring city to be with him and he couldn't be honest with me. He would say that "an omission is not a lie." If I didn't have any children, i would have left. It was a deal breaker for me. But, i gave it a try anyway because I loved him. But I grew increasingly suspicious. Till this day, i don't have access to his credit cards even though I'm an authorized user on one of them. There are no statements that come in the mail but I see payments coming of our account each month. When I've asked he retorts with "well, i don't have access to yours either!" So I offer to exchange info but he doesn't take the bait. Hence, my continued suspicion. I feel that things would not be an issue if he took the time to reassure me (in my language) that I was the only one in his life and give me access to his accounts. I feel that there shouldn't be any secrets in a marriage and everything needs to be shared or out in the open if there is to be any sort of accountability.

Well I think that pretty much tells the story. He was covering up the truth before he M you, and he's covered up ever since. He is not honest with his wife! So many red flags are waving around.