He blames me for divorce! Why is he so angry?

[sandi2]

Trying to catch up on your thread. I'm on my IPad, so I may have to make posts as I go reading your thread.

I feel like he's trying to blame everything on me. What the heck?

Anger is very typical for a WAS. I mean, why would he want to leave if he wasn't hurt or angry?

The betrayal is just too much to bear some days...most days

Betrayal in what way? Was he unfaithful, or are you referring to him wanting to end the M?

I'm a Christian and I find it difficult to apply some of the DR techniques and mentality. It goes against the biblical teachings of Ephesians 5: "Wives respect your husbands and husbands love your wives."

Where on earth did you read in Divorce Remedy anything that suggested wives should disrespect their husbands? You may not fully understand some of the things suggested. But none of them are for intended show of disrespect. I maintain that is the problem WAW's have....is loss of respect for her H. Ii hammer on the respect issue all the time, b/c I believe in it so much!

When I try to get closer and touch him while he's expressing his hurt feelings he pulls away and comments that my touching doesn't make him feel better. I know he still loves me even though it's been three weeks since he last said so. How do I break through his wall?

The WAS doesn't want you touching. Men don't want our pity. He's mad and doesn't want you kissing the boo-boo. And frankly, he has put the wall up to protect himself from more hurt. Makes no sense to you, but it's his defense mechanism. I would say don't try to break down his wall right now b/c it only causes him to fight against what you're doing.

Don't find excuses to touch him, or try to get him to say ILY, nor tell him you love him. It works against what you want. Better to not hear it now, and be able to hear later after things work out. Women want to be assured by hearing the words or getting touches......but you must not press him.

One thing to remember when you wonder if he is thinking this or that.......men and women aren't wired the same way. They don't think alike. The WAS doesn't think like the LBS wants to believe they are thinking. So that line of questioning, "does he really want me to fight for us" only adds stress for you.

So, he feels used? Was he supportive of you going to school, and did he volunteer to help with additional chores? Has his stress at work increased?

You don't make more out of his kindness than it is. And if you think he has pity for you, then don't behave or respond in a pitiful manner. And, don't try to read into his how he acts toward you right now.

My church leaders don't seem to show an urgency for my sitch.

What does that mean? They aren't taking it seriously, or they aren't counseling him, or what? What do you want them to do? What have you asked from them? I don't how religious your H is, but I was very religious (but even then you can backslide). When one is in the walk away stage, they aren't very receptive to chuch leaders getting into their personal business.

I've relied heavily on God to get me from one day to the next but the hurt is...please help!

He will give you strength and grace. Sometimes we look for deliverance, when in reality we have to go "through" the fire of the furnace first.

I will continue.