My suggestion is, do a search and read Mach1's posts. Doesn't matter what board or to whom, just take a day or 2 and focus on that.
Thanks. I actually have taken a couple of hours so far and read some of Mach1's posts. It was actually YOUR thread I have been studying, from your start on here and Mach1 posted to you a few times. No hint that Mach1's advice would cause you or anyone to feel defensive. I am now at around 5-12 of your journey.
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Anytime anyone pointed something out as I said earlier, I went into protect my ego mode by explaining and challenging. (I'll show them how smart I am was the underlying motive)
I think most people are that way.
I must have missed something then on your journey. I have YET to find where someone on your threads that responded to you pointed anything out with a STFU and listen attitude. Matter of fact, very little was pointed out to you without them validating your thoughts and feelings.
As far as I have read, every person responding on your threads were kind, considerate, encouraging and actually extremely validating to you. I would encourage you to go back and see the difference in how you were treated and what I see on this thread. Since I haven't finished your entire thread, maybe I haven't yet come to the 2x4 section.
I did see that when one of your ex friends tried to point something out to you and you told her that you just needed a break from people who wanted to tell you what to do about your R.
The next exchange you said went like this...
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She was clearly angry with me and said "but you kept bringing it to me" Yes, I shared with her but was not looking for legal advice, just support.
This is exactly my point about Pilot. It doesn't work very well to give the impression to another poster that they need to STFU and listen without validating their concerns, thoughts feelings and fears. Doesn't matter if it is me, Pilot, you or your husband. If you aren't validating the men on this site's feelings, then I think it is safe to say that you aren't doing it with your own spouse, isn't it? Or are you saying to me it only applies to a person's spouse when trying to bust a divorce? Or does one stop learning when they start giving advice instead of receiving?
Food for thought. I hope you don't get defensive and I mean that. I am also just trying to point some things out and share my thoughts and views.
