Hi all - "was never in love"

[Maybell]

Mat, you've come a really long way in a few weeks. I admire the way you laid out your goals and established how you would maintain accountability for them.

It's interesting to me how many of them you've tied to your professional life. That's a tool that hasn't been available to me as a SAHM and I'm going to consider it motivation for getting on the stick about establishing employment pronto. I had forgotten to think of a career as anything other than a means to a paycheck. Thanks for being a good example.

Keep up the PMA and have fun at the party tonight!

[Mat]

Thanks!

On the career thing, great going. These principles are really about making us more independent, autonomously happy, and able to do what's right rather than what's obvious, easy, or familiar. Amongst other things. That's all good stuff for work. Plus, in my case, it's a pragmatic solution to the fact that besides friends whom I don't see as often as I like, it's a chance to practice and identify my reflexes. I don't have any contact with my wife...

Also, to be honest, a lot of what I write is wishful thinking. But that's how it starts; I want my actions to match my words.

I would assume that it's applicable to every other social situation. Volunteering, that sort of thing.

[Maybell]

If you need encouragement on NC then revisit Thornton's thread. Which I know you know. But count how many times he had to be encouraged to stick with it and how down hearted he was a lot of the time.

[Mat]

Had a pretty good party yesterday. I think I showed pretty good social skills. One small exception, sometimes I seem to insist on finishing my stories, or rather provide all the painful details even when it's clear that they don't really add anything. I think it's a habit I hadn't noticed up until now.

Also, broke my drinking limit big time. So I am a little blue today, but I remind myself it's normal and I shouldn't be drinking. All my fault.

I'm still a bit worried over next contact. And I am starting to get more upset at W. I don't know if I need to let it out. I feel really disrespected in this whole thing.

What should I do, if anything, on Thursday when it's our anniversary?

[Maybell]

You have to let your upset out somehow (not to her) because the only way out is through.

Good on you for noticing your story-telling technique.

[Mat]

Yeah - I think MWD advises against "externalising" your anger too much in her discussion of SBT. Says there's evidence that it can make things worse?

Anyhoo... will let alcohol blues pass and revisit in the morning. Gonna get some rest for the week ahead. Four day week for me!!

[Mat]

Well I contacted her again. She put through a £400 charge on a credit card that I had the account info for, to change the address on the car insurance because her new neighbourhood has more thefts.

So I texted to see if she knew anything about it, and I was preparing to let her have it. But she simply texted back with an explanation and asked me for the info so she could pay. I texted back something like I was hoping that she was safe in that neighourhood, and that I'd send the info by email, and that I was hoping she was having a nice summer holiday and doing well.

Didn't hear back.

From the moment of the breakup, I always had a nagging feeling like I was the 1% exception, that her mind was made up. It happens too, DB acknowledges as much.

I think I really have to brace myself and focus on my new reality. Fix the house, sell up, move on...

[Mat]

To clarify something above;

I was annoyed because it's our shared car, which she gets to keep since she uses it for work. And she charged the extra premium to a card that she knows she can't access to online facility to pay it. So I felt like she was trying to charge ME for her privilege of using our shared car, which was a tad rich... So I didn't feel like that was chasing, though I couldn't help but say something sort of nice in case she'd reply.

[Mat]

Darn -

Should I have not said anything nice in my text other than just get the clarification and give out the info??

I guess being new here, the only resounding success I've seen in my "contemporaries" is Thornton, and he really went dark. I'd go as far as saying he went black hole.

Also trying hard not to be a fixer. But she really got me by simply putting a charge on a card I manage, was she thinking I'd just pay it? Really cheeky.

Anyway. Reassure me or hit me in the face please.

I'm in such a bad mood. I need my sleep. And I need to not send out texts if I'm going to be pissed off as what comes back - or not come back.

Definitely not sending her anything on our anniversary this Thursday.

[bashy]

Get some space my man. Send nothing. Let her reach out and take time to respond to whatever she says/sends