So. Took a night to crash at friend's house to give my W some breathing room to process things. It has been nice to have a night w/ my friend and her husband just chatting about all sorts of stuff. Great to get all of this out of my head for a few hours.

However, had a rough afternoon before I left. Had just finished mowing the lawn when W came home and was heading down to shower. She came in all excited to see the kids and had VIP tickets to a major yearly local event (that she hated the only time she went). I flashed her an extremely angry look before I went downstairs. I was very hurt as this was an event I would have taken the kids (or at least S5 to if I weren't giving her space for the wknd. Anyway. She followed me downstairs, probably looking for a fight. Instead of giving her a fight, I was just in the middle of a sobbing breakdown. Not my best self, but I hit a point I couldn't process anymore. So, she asked if I wanted to join them, which I really don't but I also want to be there w/ my kids. So I agreed. I'm not emotionally mature enough to deal w/ this. I feel like a 13 year old sometimes. After they took off for the park and I was about to get in the shower, I just sat there for like 10 minutes crying. I hate what's happening in my life right now, I hate myself for not being a good enough husband to prevent it, and I hate myself for doing things to make this process so much worse. Now I have to be my best self tomorrow. I have to muster fun, happy, attractive, etc. I need to get my PMA on and act as if. I'm not entirely what the as if would be, but she's giving me an opportunity when she didn't have to. I have no expectations...I'm not mind-reading into this, I'm just happy to get to do something fun w/ my kids and excited to spend some non-D related time w/ my W.

Me: 34 W:33
T: 10 M: 6
S: 6 D: 5
BD: 5/14
Still together(ish)
Not giving up: 7/14
D talk has slowed, a lot.
Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms.
Slow and Steady wins the race.