Today I'm feeling pretty good. I had a session with my coach this morning and we spent some good time looking at the positives, taking a step back and looking at how far I've come in just a week with my recommitment to LRT, the realization that I've really done a good job of identifying a lot of the things I need to work on and starting on them already. I'm proud of myself. The hard work is just beginning, I know. Digging deeper and repairing myself. I feel guilt which is unproductive but I need to take it in for what it is. I'm amazed at how empowering all this work on myself is and how it's helping me not to dwell on what he did to me in the marriage and instead focus on what I can change, what I did to fail him, how I let myself go there for so long, why I was so resistant to real, substantive change for so long and how I let it ruin our marriage. I'm working on that. All of that.
I am SO grateful for this gift of time right now. I marvel at what an amazing opportunity I've been given by H to do this soul searching, this DEEP inventory of myself and to be able to do it with the long term hope of sharing my changes with him really humbles me. Granted, he gave me this gift by wanting to D but unfortunately it took that for me to really listen, really look and really work on me. I'll have to live with that forever but today I'm doing well thanks to so many of you who have cheered me on, knocked me over with 2x4s and picked me back up with your encouragement and personal stories and insights. Today i'm walking the walk and talking the talk and I'm proud of me.
